Kingdom Hearts: A More Final Fantasy Version
by PaperFiction
Summary: Kingdom Hearts crossed with Final Fantasy universe and lots of humor  great fanfict. Rated T to be safe.


This is a much better version of the popular Kingdom Hearts games. We shall start with the first.

Pick a Weapon, Any Weapon

Random Spiky Haired Kid: I'm thinking some nonsense lately, but I'll spare you by not saying it.

Some Japanese woman starts singing and Spiky falls asleep. The screen shows Spiky and a weird douche dude getting separated. Spiky then sees a weird girl waving at him. He swims away because he realized how ugly she is. He goes under the water and doesn't die. Instead, he appears on a very sturdy stained-glass disk platform thingy.

Voice: More to do than there is time. Don't rush, though. The passage be barred. I have bad grammar. Can you walk?

Spiky takes one step. Three stones stolen from Hyrule Castle appear, with Disney themed weapon on them.

Voice: Choose a weapon, quickily!

Spiky: You call these weapons? A shield, a staff, and sword. Anyway with a right mind will pick the sword.

Voice: The sword is the last to learn a useful ability.

Spiky: FUUUUUUUUUU-!

Spiky picks the sword.

Voice: The force of the knight. Unbeatable bravery. Something sharp and destructive. Accept?

Spiky: Indeed.

Voice: No turning back.

The sword vanishes.

Spiky: Hey! Give that back! That's the one I picked! What am I supposed to fight with?

Voice: Patience, S. Now, choose one to decline.

Spiky tossed the shield off the disc.

Voice: You really don't want that shield, I take it?

Spiky: It's a shield. You can't fight with a shield!

Voice: It is blessed by an ancient curse. Anyway-

Spiky: Blessed by an ancient curse. How is that physically possible?

Voice: It's not. It's mental. Anyway, before you interrupt me again, You accept destruction and decline protection. You accept to be like this?

Spiky: Yes, just so we can move this plot along and I can move.

The stolen stones return to some inter-galactic storage and the shield and staff hover in midair.

Spiky: WTF! How are the hovering? They clearly couldn't earlier.

Voice: You know what I'm going to do with these?

Spiky: No…

Voice: I'm going to give them to two stupid, retarded furries that will become your companions.

Spiky: WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF x2!

Then the glass shatters.

Spiky: I THOUGHT THIS STUFF WAS UNBREAKABLE!

Voice: Too much weight.

Spiky lands on another easily broken platform. And his sword reappears.

Spiky: YES! NO! Come out here so I can beat you up! Wait a minute. Haven't we already decided these break too easily?

Voice: "Ignores all the questions and says something stupid." You can now attack.

Spiky: Oh boy. An obvious statement.

Spiky proceeds to slash thin air in an effort to kill the voice's owner.

Spiky: See! This is why I picked the sword!

Voice: You can now fight. Defend yourself and others.

Spiky: Nah. I'll just protect myself.

Three or four Gremlins appear.

Voice: Fight these spirits of women!

Spiky: Why are they women?

Voice: I don't know. That's just what the script said.

Spiky defeats seven Gremlins.

Three more Gremlins appear, with one in plain sight behind you.

Voice: Duh. Look out!

Spiky: Huh? "Gets smacked" HEY! What did you do that for?

Voice: Revenge.

Spiky: Whatever. "Attempts to hit Voice again"

Spiky defeats several more Gremlins. Then he falls through the floor.

Spiky: I THOGHT THIS WAS SOLID!

Voice: Same as the unbreakable part.

Spiky: What?

Voice: It isn't supposed to be understandable.

Spiky finally lands on yet another platform. This has a door. He heads toward said door.

Spiky tries all methods of opening it except actually touching it.

Spiky's thoughts: Can't open door. Use mind power. Fail. Use the Force. Fail. Explore disc 3.

Player that misunderstood: This game has 3 discs? Sweet!

Author: It does not.

PTM: Boo!

Back to the story.

Spiky opens a treasure chest [TC after this] and opens it.

Spiky: WTF! This TC is empty!

Square Enix Executives: He he.

Spiky: Stop laughing. "Slashes through time and space and cut off one of SEE's toes.

SEE: Oh! "They stop laughing and we return to the story".

A crate appears.

Voice: Push this around for a million years.

Spiky: Nah. "smashes crate" Hey, look! A potion! Take that, Square Enix!

Square Enix: …

A barrel appears.

Voice: Pick it up.

Spiky: That sounds like fun. "picks up barrel and runs around"

The barrel vanishes.

Spiky: Hey! I wanted to smash that!

Voice: Too bad. Go to an island instead.

Spiky: An island? Sweet!

Voice: With two douches, two annoying girls and a Jamaican.

Spiky: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

The door opens and attempts to blind the player. Spiky opens it and scene switches to said island. We meet No Shirt Kid, Obnoxious Girl and Jamaican Dude.

Voice: Stop. Door not open even though you just went through it. Tell me about you so I can stalk you.

Spiky: Why did you follow me here, Douchious Voice?

DV: So I can stalk you.

Spiky: Not if I can help! "kicks Douchious Voice back to Disc 3"

Spiky talks to NSK.

NSK: What do you fear?

Spiky: Age.

NSK: Age? Why?

Spiky: You asked me. Why are you responding in question form?

Spiky talks to JD. Thoughts: Maybe he'll have better grammar.

OG: What ya want from life?

Spiky: My life back! Wait, that's not on the list. I'll go with pretty ponies.

JD: Pretty ponies? WTF! You're a dude!

Spiky: "runs away"

Spiky talks to OG.

OG: What. Is. Important?

Spiky: WTF is wrong with your grammar? My belongings.

OG: Why. Are. Belongings. So. Special? Why. Can't. I. Stop. Talking. Like. This?

DV sneaks up behind Spiky and starts singing the Jaws theme.

DV: Da da. Da da. Da da da da da da! "breathes on Spiky's neck"

Spiky: Ah! Why are you back?

DV: You're afraid of age, want to see pretty ponies, and your belongings are important. I'll write that on my stalker list. Your annoying quest begins tomorrow. You should have a good annoying quest.

Spiky: Whatever.

DV: Door opens next year and tomorrow.

Spiky: How is that possible? Hey, look! I'm being teleported!

Spiky appears on Disc 4. He nears light. Then darkness appears in the form of Gremlins.

Spiky: Again, not possible. Darkness coming from light. Whatev. "kills Gremlins"

A Save Point appears. And the Light tm causes stairs to appear.

Spiky: No comment. "uses Save Point and heads upstairs to Disc 5"

Spiky: How many Discs are there? Ten? Thirteen? Twenty? Twenty-five? Five? Oh look, DV's talking again.

DV: Get closer to Light tm and shadow stronger.

Spiky: For once, except for the bad grammar, you said something that makes sense.

Spiky's shadow then transforms into Dark Gremlin.

Spiky: Dark Gremlin? I thought they were all dark. Oh, it's trying to kill me.

DV: Don't fear. And remember…

Dark Gremlin proceeds to pound Spiky into the ground while DV is pointlessly talking.

Spiky escapes and fights Dark Gremlin.

Spiky: Hmm. That head looks suspiciously weak. "runs up arm and smacks head" Yep.

The screen flashes and Dark Gremlin dies. Spiky feels himself falling again.

DV: … Don't fear. You have the best weapon.

Spiky: So you admit it! Why is there quicksand here?

DV: Remember, you open door. Good-bye.

Spiky: Good riddance!

Spiky falls through platform.

Spiky: STUPID DARKNESS!

The screen fades to black.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
